This Friday

This Friday I will be on vacation for one week, 9 full days to myself and my worst fear ever.
This Friday I will try to start taking anti-depressant medication for the 3rd time.
This Friday I will have to come at peace with myself and my phobia of vomiting.
This Friday my world of anxieties should hit a turning point.
This Friday I have been putting off for way too long.
This Friday terrifies me.
This Friday I want my life to start to change in a positive way.
This Friday might be the last you hear of me for a little while, but know that I will be thinking of you all and how much sunshine you bring to my life.

See you later blogger friends.

Reward

This week was reward week.
I have done a lot of work on myself in the 2 past week, so I deserved it.

Instead of clothes I got:


-My first cosmopolitan ever
-The 5th book of Twilight
-The first season of Grey's Anatomy
-A book called the fear of fear
And a relaxation cd that I will put in the garbage as the man that talks on it sounds like a old pervert who will make me make nightmares instead of relaxing.

Lets hope that the next pay I get reward as well, cuz I'll be on vacation!

I've been scammed

I never thought this would happen to me, but I guess I am just a naive little girl.

On Facebook, which is now used for so many things, there was an add to win free hockey tickets for the new season that will begin in October.

I click on the link and it gives me the teams home page, so for me it was real...gave out my email address and phone number. The some automated voice mail called and gave me a confirmation number.
Then I realized I got scammed, why would my local team got through a 310 area code for a contest..damn shit...I just got scammed. So I went on google and punched in the number and all comment were that it was a scam. Went back to the web site and couldn't click on anything except the ''scammy part''

I did a print screen and will report this to Facebook and to the team.

Argggghhhh I never thought this would happen to me now I got to change phone numbers.

TV series

I've just finish watching all 8 season's of That 70's show.
I already watched all 6 seasons of Sex and the city and all 6 season's of House.

Do you have any suggestions?

Love

I miss love. Can I say that? Well I just did.

I know I am not ready for another relationship and that I have an enormous amount of work to do on myself before I maybe meet another guy, but I miss love.

I miss the butterflies and fireworks.
I miss the looking at each other without saying a word and knowing that all will be alright no matter what happens.
I miss the sweetness and tenderness.
I miss the goose bumps.
I miss the complicity and surprises.
I miss a life filled with happiness.
I miss the little things that mean so much.
I miss my heart pounding so hard that it hurts, but that it feels soooo good.

I just miss being in love, giving love and receiving love.

Acupuncture

This morning I did my first session of acupuncture.
I was very nervous when I got there and also panicking a little.
The lady was very nice and took her time. She explained everything.

I felt no pain and learn a new way how to breathe.
Even if I am not convinced 100% that it can do me good I left there with positive thoughts in my mind and hoping for the best.

I'll keep you guys posted after a few more sessions.

Monday Mentra July 19th

This week I am getting lots and lots of help
I believe I have a crush on a guy that works at the mall lol
I'm addicted Big Brother
I wish that acupuncture works for me
I'm jealous of people that can live one day at the time.
Soundtrack/Mantra for the week: The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. -Mark Twain

Back in time

Lately I have been doing lots of reading and I started to wonder if I had to pick a decade in the past, in which one I would like to live.

I think I would like to live around the end of the 40's beginning of the 50's.
War had just ended, most people still didn't have any car or TV's as they were big luxuries.
Kids still played outside and with toys instead of computers and video games. Women took time to cook their own meal, no ready to eat stuff, all from scratch. To eat fries one night with dinner was a treat.
People use to talk to people in person and took time to enjoy life.
If someone lived far away you had write to the letters. Whens the last time you got a letter in the mail?
The level of stress that we now have on ourselves in the year's 2010's is not comparable.

If you had to go back in time, in which decade would you like to live and why?
1900's? 1930's? 1950's? 1970's?

Joke

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity....

1.At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice!
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to
Espresso.
5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.
6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get..
7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
9. Sing Along At The Opera.
10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

14. Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask where the fitting room is.

Ever tried...

I have been thinking about acupuncture and many people around me do recommend it. I'm not afraid of needles, but I don't see how putting needles through my skin can make me feel better. Isn't voodoo the same and it hasn't ever done any good from what I've heard. I took an appointment next Monday; I'll let you know how it goes.

What about hypnosis? Again lots of people around me tell me that it could cure some of my phobias. I've read about it a lot and from what I've discovered it takes many sessions to start having an effect and it is if it does work on you as not everyone can get hypnotized.

So have ever tried either? or any similar practices?

Writing

Lately I have been thinking about starting to write.
I need something to clear my head and I am not the type of girl that can turn her mind off and take a break from thinking. If I think about a story, I will disconnect from my reality for a little while and it might just help me relax.

I have so many drafts in the back of my head, but it seems that none of them would turn out into a great story.
I'd like to write something new, fresh and positive.
I did think about writing a story about me, an auto-biography kinda, but yet I am not sure I want to expose myself to the world.

I did a few years ago write a short love story that could of turned out like one of those Harlequin books you buy at the grocery store, but I never put much effort into it.

What do you think I should write about? Me, horror, action, love, ect?

No reward

This week is pay week and I did not earn a reward.

The past 2 weeks have been worst than I could have ever imagined.
I have been going through an emotional and physical roller coaster.
I have discovered corners of my mind and physical sensations that completely freaked me out. I now know how powerful the mind is and I need to make it work in a positive way.

I had Carrie over for a couple of days and my subconscious mind did not let me have a good time like I wish I would of.
When she was here I barely ate, and then it got worst, I was 3 days eating only one piece of toast a day.

I quit my job and signed the contract at another job, but finally had to make the decision not to leave my current job, as again my subconscious mind had more control over me than my mind.

I got into an argument with my mom and although I told her how I really feel, I regret how it has hurt her, but I needed to say certain things.

I have been getting help, but I have reach a point where I need a more specific type of help. So I got this process going in fast forward mode.

I am not writing this to get pity or anything. I am just sharing with you my life in the past two weeks.

I have fabulous and extremely comprehensive people around me and I am so grateful.

I am not depressed, but I am facing difficult issues that I should of dealt with years ago. I believe I am on the road to getting better and that I will a better person after all of this is over.

For now I need to rest, focus of positive things and cherish the people that are standing by me in this journey.

Thank you for being there.

Letter to Carrie

Dear Carrie,

I wanted to write this letter to you on my blog as I believe everyone should know how fabulous you are.

You came to Canada to visit without knowing who I was and in what kind of world I lived in. I know I am in a very bad phase of my life right now and I would of given anything for you not to have to share this with me.

But you where there, smiling from ear to ear, listening and comforting.
So positive, joyful and up for anything from shopping to napping.

I believe that in this world there are very few people like you and you are just so fantastic. You give me hope. You are a ray of sunshine.

I'd love to see you again once I am better.

Love Caro

PS: For those of you who dont know Carrie, you should follow her blog Just a girl