A hug

Tonight I went out for dinner with my ex.
My ex that has now turned into my best friend.
My ex that stopped being my lover, because there wasn't any love, our destiny was to have an extraordinary friendship.

But tonight while talking with him, a cheesy song played on the radio and suddenly I felt the need to have someone in my life again.
I needed a hug, but not a hug from a friend, but a pair of arms around me from a man who loves me.
No, I am not still in love with my ex and I probably never will be again, I am convinced. But at that precise instant I was wishing he was another man.
I was wishing I had a man to call and that he would come to rescue me and offer me that hug I needed so deeply.

Being single over the years can be great, but it will never replace the contact of a man in love.

Love

I miss love. Can I say that? Well I just did.

I know I am not ready for another relationship and that I have an enormous amount of work to do on myself before I maybe meet another guy, but I miss love.

I miss the butterflies and fireworks.
I miss the looking at each other without saying a word and knowing that all will be alright no matter what happens.
I miss the sweetness and tenderness.
I miss the goose bumps.
I miss the complicity and surprises.
I miss a life filled with happiness.
I miss the little things that mean so much.
I miss my heart pounding so hard that it hurts, but that it feels soooo good.

I just miss being in love, giving love and receiving love.

One month

Today it has been one month I moved out from D's.
It was a rough month, with lots of soul searching and it's only the beginning.
Now that I am single I have to take care of myself and my health.
I have to learn how to let go of anxieties and stress that doesn't belong to me.
I have so many challenges ahead of me and I sure hope to be able to succeed.

I have really bad days, I have ok days and a few good one.
My goal is to turn this around.
I'd rather have really great days, a few ok days and not really any bad days.
It will be a long process, but I believe in myself.

I have to relax and come at peace with myself.
I want to get up in the morning and feel the sun on my skin and embrace the new day that was given to me.

Today I decided that I needed to reward myself for the efforts that I do.
Here is what I've decided (and you girls will love it), as of today every payday (every 2 weeks) I will treat myself and buy two pieces clothing.
I cant wait till next pay day now, it motivates me to work even harder on myself, it is all positive and it is a win-win situation.

Update

Hi everyone,

I am back from my craziness.
Here is what has been going on (here’s a long post)

-Me and D decided that it would be best for both of us if I moved out, so I went apartment hunting, for a great little place that I love in a part of town that I adore. My dad and my sister took a day off and helped me to cleaned the place and carry all the boxes I had. On Sunday D and one of my friends moved all my furniture (including a new couch, new shelves, new coffee tables) The same night my dad and my mom came back to help me with the finish some little thing. I still have to buy a few things as my walls are empty, but it starting to look like home J

-The triplets (my godson and sisters) are doing great getting fatter everyday. The parents had a hard time seeing them get their firsts vaccines.

-Work has been completely insane and it doesn’t look like anything is going to calm down. I love it; it makes the days go by so much faster.

-My best friend came over for a surprise visit and she met a guy in her part of the world (I am very happy for her) I am sad that she finally decided not to move back to Montreal anymore, but thanks to technology we still speak or chat almost everyday.

-I am in love with my star crush Jaroslav Halak, and he is kicking ass in the playoffs for the Stanley cup J

-I saw the heart doctor again and I have more tests to do at the beginning of June. He said not to worry, but to still hold off going to gym until he gets the results of the tests.

-I got all the result form all the test I did for the weeks I was sick after I came back from vacation and all is ok, but I am still not feeling 100%. My family doctor says it is all related to anxieties (and God knows I am anxious like crazy)

- As soon as I finish paying off all the little expenses my move cost me, I think I will get another tattoo. I have been thinking about it for years and I don’t understand why I haven’t gotten it.

-For my summer vacation this year I don’t have anything planned, but I would love to go to Nashville Tennessee. It was supposed to be my first trip ever a few years ago and I didn’t go. So why not this summer?

-I had over 400 posts to catch up on Google reader. I went through them last night and went to bed way too late (writing for work so I don’t fall asleep)

This week is still full of things do to, stuff to buy and stuff to hang, but this weekend I do plan to finally relax (I hope)

How are you doing?

2 Years

Me and D have been together for 2 years today.

2010 Resolutions

Here it goes, I've been thinking about time for a while now and here is what I've come up with.

-Eat at the kitchen table instead of on front of the TV.
-Lose 20 of the 30 pounds I gained last year.
-Go to the gym 3 times a week.
-Point out positive things (new positive label appearing)
-Get a pedicure
-Try out yoga and meditation
-Do more than one trip (Holguin, NYC, Barcelona, London)
-Clean my car more than twice a year
-Take more pictures
-Fall in love all over again
-Try not to care what others think of me
-Finish my Spanish class
-Be the best godmother I can be
-Go see the head man again
-Eat less chocolate (I have an addiction)
-Each time I buy something for someone else, I have to buy something for me
-Not cry over my short hair
-Make the bed everyday
-Take another RSP


I want 2010 to be a year of changes, I need change!

My 2009 recap

Now that the 2009 year is almost over; Here is a recap of all the event that happened in my life during this pass year.

-I started my first official blog that I would share with the rest of the world.

-We lived through D's mom getting diagnosed with cancer, getting surgery and recovering (all of that while being 3500 km away)

-Moved my sister back to Montreal (and back into my life)

-My dad got surgery in one of his hands.

-We had a fabulous trip to Cayo Guillermo (even if we got stuck 17 hours at the airport)

-Discovered I am allergic to cats.

-We found a new fabulous apartment.

-I got diagnosed with a small heart condition.

-I got my first attitude notice at work (hihihi)

-Saw Alberta in summer (much better than at -35 in winter)

-I discovered a purse and shoe addiction, but got ride of it.

-Started to go to the gym.

-I caught my first fish ever.
-My best friend moved 10hours away, came back to be with her dad diagnosed with cancer.
-Won 75$ at the 6/49 Yay!

-Gained 30 pounds :(

-Learned I was going to be a Godmother of the only boy of a set of triplets.
-I hosted my first Thanksgiving dinner with a turkey too big for my cookware.

-My grandmother passed.

-One of my good friends mom was told that this time cancer would win her over and ever since she has just been kicking his ass and doing great.

-Turned 31.

-Spoiled a few blogger friends in a few giveaways.

-Got my first Christmas cards ever in the mail (which made me so happy)

-I had one of the best Christmas in a few years.



My resolutions for 2010 are coming soon :)

Matchmaker

Have you ever been a matchmaker without knowing you were one?


Well after a few nights of having people over for dinner and hockey games in the past weeks...my sister and one of my friends hit it off.
They've been seeing each other lots and she even met his mom.

They've both went through similar things in their past relationships and I think it might work for them.

The only thing I wish is to never be in the middle and never have to choose.

I'll keep you posted if it becomes official ;)

Belated birthday

Last night D took me to Alegria as my belated birthday gift.

I had never went to see a circus show before and especially not a show from Cirque du Soleil. Al taught I have a fear of clowns, they made me laugh more than once.

Some of the acts were very impressive. You can tell that these people are not only performers, but artists as well.

I loved the indoors snow storm (even if I hate snow)

The music was great very appropriate to the show and sound was good. The woman that sings has an amazing voice, at first I was sure she was lip-singing, but no she just has this incredible voice. When the Alegria song played at the end I was just so overwhelmed I had a few tears. (yeah I've been very emotional lately)

I would say I have only 2 negative things to say about the show: people that don't f***ing get there on time and the delays between each act.

Over all it was fabulous! Sorry pictures were forbidden.

PS Now I wanna go see KA in Las Vegas (go see the preview)

Holiday spirit

Tonight I got great news! We are spending Christmas at my aunts place! YAY!

I really wanted to go in D's family, but for budget reasons and because we went this summer we will not go. Christmas was heading toward a boring quick dinner and gift exchange all over by 11 pm. My aunt invited us and I was sure we wouldn't go because my mom doesn't like to go out, but she said yes!!!

Today we had a big snow storm and I had a feeling tonight would be the night were I would find my spirits and I did.

Mailed some gifts, got the news for Christmas eve at my aunts, ate very good brownies, going shopping again Saturday with a good friend, traffic was good after work, D helped shoveled my parking spot...Life is good.

Now I feel like doing my Christmas tree :) I am so happy.

Here is a picture I found that makes me smile when I think of snow:)

My wedding

Ever since I saw the movie The Crow when I was in High school, I knew I wanted to get married on Halloween. The next Halloween where I could be old enough, in love and on a Saturday would be Halloween 2009, which is tomorrow.

Eric Draven and Shelly Webster were my inspiration for a long time when it came to love and in a way a part of me still envy's them.


When I pictured it, It was always indoors. I could see the pathway to the church and the isle down to the alter covered in leaves.

The wedding would of been in the dark with only candles held by the guest to light the church up.


The flowers that I would of held would of been full of bright colors.




I never taught about the dress, but this one inspires me happiness.



The at the reception the place cards would have been held by pumpkins.



And the dance floor would of been lighten by lanterns.



I dreamed and dreamed about this wedding for years, but never found Mr Right. Then I slowly started to let go of this dream wedding of mine. It then turn into a more fall-funny-hallloween wedding.

Simple wedding, with all guest costumed and also the bride and groom.



With a funky cake.

Now all these pictures a are just borrowed ideas from others, I still have a crystal clear picture in my head of what both wedding would have looked like.

Tomorrow will be the day, the day of my wedding and I will not be getting married.
I am in a relationship right now but we are far from getting married.
I still believe that getting married on Halloween would have been awesome, but it will still be awesome no matter when or where it is as long as we are ready and in love.

L'amour

L’amour est une chose précieuse. Ils disent que l’on devrait en prendre soin, la cultiver tout les jours et ne jamais la prendre pour acquis.
On ne comprend pas l’impact de celle-ci jusqu’au jour où on la perd.
Les blessures physiques sont douloureuse, mais les blessures du cœur encore plus.

A day at the ZOO

D had promised me that we would go to the ZOO and today was the day.

I got to be a giraffe.


D got to be a lion.


I got to ride an elephant.


D flew a plane.


I got to sit in a kangaroo's pouch.


D fought with an alligator.


Seriously here a few goods pics my cheap camera was able to take. I would of loved to have a good camera and to be able to cross a few gates, but I did not want to be electrocuted or to swim through the little swamps that separated us from the animal.

You remember Melman from Madagascar.






Of course you all know Alex the lion king of New York; He was in the neighborhood so he stopped by.




The plumpy and chunky Gloria.








We finish out the day with a stop at a ice cream stand.
I had a great day, not too many people and not too warm outside.
It was very nice spending this beautiful day with my lover, enjoying every minute together.

Life as a single girl 6/6

Today was my last single girl day.

Went to work as usual.
Then went to get a surprise for the boyfriend at Le Point G (thanks Chiquita)
Cleaned home a little, then ate, then cleaned me.
Watched a little tv and played with the cat again.
And I am now leaving for the airport.

I enjoyed the days alone very much, it is fabulous to have some alone time even if you do nothing, but I am so happy to go get D:)

Life as a single girl 5/6

Very boring day.

Hellish day at work.
Quick dinner with my sister
Spanish class
Chat with boyfriend on msn
Play with cat
Sleep

Life as a single girl 4/6

Today was a hard day, with a little bit of good.
Here's a mix of a little bit of everything that happened.

Bad sleep again, low staff at work, lots of tension.

I went out with a friend for dinner, which was very nice. We chatted for few hours about this and that. I think this guy will be a friend of mine for a very long time.

I got another friend an interview today for a new job after losing his current job.

Spent 45 minutes trying to remove the ugly nail polish from yesterday and it is not all gone. Bad cheap stuff that doesn't want to go away and of course it's black so I look like I have dirty nails.

I cleared my credit card and now I am broke.

One of my girlfriends mother is living a rough part of her life health wise, but she is in a good period right now and it makes my friend smile, which makes me smile.

Spent over an hour trying to do my new short hair and I realized that I don't like short hair.

I don't feel like going to work tomorrow and I don't feel like going to Spanish class tomorrow. I just want to spend a lazy day in bed watching girl movies.

I miss my best friend, but reading my new blogger friends helps.

The cat doesn't understand me when I talk to him in French.

I hate Wednesdays, always have, always will.

I bought Halloween candy to give to kids and I don't know if kids come by in this neighborhood. So I'll end up eating them.

I wanted to talk to my boyfriend but he was with his family and I'd rather talk to him face to face. So the conversation was very short.

I gained another pound and I skipped the gym for another day.

I want a massage so bad, my body is hurting for everywhere.

I'm going to bed to continue reading a book I started.

Life as a single girl 3/6

I slept a little better last night, I think I was exhausted.
After work to day I went shopping for a computer case, cant find anything.
Then I went to get my car cleaned inside and out.
Came back home, changed and went back out.
Bought a new nail polish and magazine.
And I heard this Belgium chocolate box screaming at me so I had to buy that too.
Got home, ate dinner, talk a little on the phone with boyfriend.
Did my nails again and enjoyed my chocolates in front of the TV.
Tonight it is the Big Brother last show, so gotta go ;)

Life as a single girl 2/6

Last night was my first night alone and I slept like shit.
My stomach was upset all night all the way till noon today.
I don't know if it's because I was a little paranoid of being alone in this big house, no 6'6 boyfriend to kick the bad guys asses.
I still went to work this morning and did my job.

After work I went to my sisters for dinner with my family.
Came back home after flipped some magazines, watched Tv, played with the cat, went through pictures on my new laptop and did my nails.

I know I haven't done much girl stuff yet and I don't know if I will.
So far the part I love the most is that the toilet seat stays down :P

Life as a single girl 1/6

Just a little after noon I drove my boyfriend to the airport.
He has a entire week of flights and presentations through out Canada.
He has 11 planes to take in 6 days. The good side of the trip..he'll get to see his family and he'll have a girlfriend that will have missed him a lot when he gets back.

So yes for 6 days I am a 'single' girl :)
All week I'll keep you posted on my single life lol

What am I gonna do special? I have no clue. So far today I went clothes shopping with my sister, I cleaned the house and did groceries.
I am just gonna enjoy my alone time and try to do 'girl' stuff.

Any suggestions?

Cheating

I had a conversation at work yesterday about guys that cheat.
I was surprised to see in the group of only women that we were, all from different ages, back round, nationalities, so mother, some married that opinion were so different.
Some women actually believe that to a point in your relationship, you have to accept if your man cheats. That when you grow up, there is a point when you have to accept certain things and let go.
Some said that as long as your man doesn't beat you up, never comes home drunk and that he always comes home every night, you should not complain even if he cheats once in a while.
I don't know if it is me that is not open, or if I am too much old fashion, but I am sorry I do not share my guy.
Some girls said that if the guy cheats, you have to forgive. I have a real hard time with that.
I have not been in their shoes and I guess all situations are different, but cheating is still cheating to me.