Blog world

Lately it is getting quieter and quieter in the blog world.
There even is some people who say it openly that they are leaving.

I think I am there.
Lately I realized that coming here to write is asking me to do an effort, when I used to do it in the past, I needed to write and had fun with it.

I think that for me it is the end.

I will keep on reading your blogs, I will not abandon you, as I've attach myself to so many of you.

Caro xxx

Halloween costume

What is your craziest Halloween costume?

Me a toilet bowl 6 years ago. Memorable party!

Vacation pay

I knew that this weeks pay check would be smaller than usually because I was on vacation last week. And I know that my vacations are calculated to 8% of the salary I made the previous year. Last year I only worked 7 and a half months full time.

Up to that point it was still all ok, until today. I realize that it would be the same situation next year. And I have worked only 2 months really really part time and 5 full time.

It wont be big vacations next year :(

3 weeks later

This afternoon I went to therapy. The last time we mutually agreed that we where to space out each appointment to every 3 weeks. SO since then my hamster has done a lot of running.

Where there a lot of changes? I dont think so.
But with the medication, I feel that I same not the same.
Yes, I am still myself, but up to this appointment I though I had lost contact with my emotions, that I was completely detached and insensitive. That no positive or negative emotions reached me. Well turns out I was wrong, that it is the voltage / intensity of my emotions that is starting to regulate itself.

Is this was it feels like to be ok / normal? I have no clue.
I also have to learn and to accept that it is normal to be scared that things are doing well when you have been used to them being bad all the time.

I have only two appointments left before the end of this therapy and before I start the second one. I am excited because this second one is the one that will affect and help me the most according to the psychologist and psychiatrist.

To be continued...

My vacation / September

Here is a recap of my vacations:

Saturday I went to my parents house, my sister was supposed to be there for dinner, but she had car trouble. So Iwent on my own and steamed by myself against my mother. I dont remember the last time I saw her without wanting to shake her. Asides from that I introduced my dad to Facebook.

Sunday quiet day at home and a walk to enjoy the nice weather.

Monday I went to the dealership with my car to make some recalls done by the company and I read the entire evening.

Tuesday early in the morning my dad came to help me paint my kitchen and we went out for lunch (he emptied a part of his heart about my mom). In the evening did a bit of shopping.

Wednesday ( went to see a friend quickly and then to my doctors appointment and spent the entire day/evening with my godson.

ThursdayI went shopping, again, with a friend and then dinner with her. Spent the rest of the evening watching the beginning of a few series that I follow on TV.

Friday I went grocery shopping and at night I had a bunch of girls over for a clothes exchange.

Saturday I went to support a friend that was auditioning for the TV show Canada's got talent. Saw a terrorist in the subway. I ended the night talking to my sister on the phone. It's crazy how I miss her.

Today I went grocery shopping for my lunches, and read in the park near my house all while watching the firemen put out a fire in a trashcan. Tonight I made a bit of laundry and went to a friends house to drop of some clothes form the exchange and here I am. And you guys what have you been up to?

Vacation

The advantage of having been on sick leave for part of the year last and this year, is that I have 5 weeks of vacation to take before the end of 2011.
One week off every month till the end of the year...not complaining too much :P

Have a nice week!

When you grow up

Each child gets asked this question...

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Me, I wanted to be a meterologist or a radiologist.

And you what was your answer?

Fishing trip

Each year for the past 4 years, I take my dad fishing.
It's the only trip he ever takes and he love it.
He turns into this little kid.
More than a week before we leave, he starts to get ready.
This year is the first time we rent a cabin.
It was gorgeous and we had the best weather possible.
On the down side, not that many fish.
In 3 days only one rainbow trout and nothing else.
But my dad's smile was all worth it.
Next year we are going back an entire week.

Filthy

Lately I had a conversation with a lady regarding her family doctor X. This doctor X is the father of one of my past boyfriends. I remember as if it was yesterday how disgusted I was walking into his house.

From not knowing where to walk, to not knowing which dishes where clean and which weren't, from algae in the shower floor, to old used Kleenex's in the stairwell, from parrot feces all over the living room floor, ect...

How should we react with filthy people? I am not talking about messy people, but filthy people.

Christmas party

Don't ask me why, But today I started thinking about Christmas.

I was thinking about my childhood and of the big Christmas parties we used to have at my grandparents house. When I say big, I mean big. I have a large family. My mom is the 13th child of thirteen. So the first child has children that have children, that have children. We are about 70 cousins.

Ever since the grandparents passed, we see each other only in funerals or weddings. and that's it.

I want to organize a Christmas party, but I wonder if people would come. Or family is pretty spread out across the province and aging (when I think of Aunts and uncles)

Should I dare? Maybe not this Christmas but for the 2012?

My godson borrowed my car

September

Today for me and I am sure for many of you, September marks the end of summer.

Can you believe that not once this summer I wore my bikini?

Damn summer sucks, yay for fall!

Digital TV

So I did it, I bought the converter for tomorrow.
I am ready for the lost of the analogue signal.
I am currently installing it.
I sure hope that I am able to get the same channels as I did with my rabbit ears.

I'll let you know how my transition went in a few days.

Power outage

Yeah well, an afternoon and an evening without power, really proves me that I am dependent to technology.

Stolen

I am so angry.

Yesterday at work I found a genius of an idea and I shared it with my boss.
My boss was so proud, she shared it with her boss.
Her boss doesnt like me very much,
Today I get to work, open my email and HER boss wrote an email to the whole company talking about my idea as if it was her that had it.

GRRRRRRRRRRRR

Guy/Girl friendship

Friendship between guys and girls, do you believe in it?

I am part of the group who doubts it, but that want to beleive in it.
I believe that there is always on of the two, who in the back of their heads wants more.

I have a few guy friends, not much, but we are both single.
I am not sure that if either one of us was in a relationship would be as simple, just to avoid jealousy from the spouse.

And friendship with ex's, do you beleive in it?

Again I would like to say yes, but I think it is possible that one of the two may have other intentions in mind.
Currently I am friends with my ex D, and everything was going great with his girlfriend until last weekend. He mentioned to me that she finally admitted not being comfortable with our friendship.
So I took my distances, and it's ok I respect her. But at the same time I am pulling away from a friendship and that sucks.

So how are you friendships with the opposite sex?

Iron Maiden/ Kayak/ Hot Tub

Me and that guy I used to date (B) are in the basement of the house of my ex P.
I assume we just had sex as I am only wearing his Iron Maiden t-shirt.
He goes upstairs and I follow him.
Once I get there there is a huge part going on.
Some guy come to see me and tells me: Hey B is flirting with college girls.
I say I don't care he's drunk and he has syphilis anyway.
I walk outside and the backyard is full of snow with little paths all around.
Then I see these 2 guys in a kayak on the snow, yelling that even if they were going slow they were going forward.
I go back inside and tell a girl that there is a secret passage in the second floor.
That is you are able to crawl through there, there is a hot tub.
So I go and crawl up there and there is B in the hot tub with another girl.
The girl I'm with looks at me as if I should be jealous, so I turn around and there I am sitting in a kayak rowing.

Jeans

How many times do you wear a pair of jeans before you wash it?

My vacations / August

So my August vacations are ending tomorrow.

I barely did anything aside from rescuing the kitten last Friday.
A dinner with friends, wrote a few letters and yesterday I went to the library.

But my bank account him, emptied itself, as if I had done all sorts of exciting things.

List of expenses:

-paid my bills
-Visit at the vet
-Food
-Gas
-Meds
-Purchase of DVD's, a lamp and a few clothes.

I told myself I would treat myself without looking during my vacations. I have only 2 days left, but I dont know I a can afford to leave bank account on vacation.

And you did your vacations leave with your bank account?

This morning

It's been a while since I left you guys explore the inside of my head, so here is a glimpse of a moment from this morning...

This morning it is not going well in my head.
Actually it never goes well, but this morning it's worst.
I had an appointment with the psychiatrist earlier today and I left in pieces.
I dont know if I will ever get through this.
Dark thoughts battle each other in my head.
I dont understand why I am here.
I dont see any future, I feel condemned.
Apparently the only solution is sold in little tablets.
Sometimes I tell myself that if I took the whole bottle in one shot maybe all the pain would go away, maybe I would go away.
But non, I am too curious, too much of a dreamer.

I dont want to die, but I dont know how to live.

Gérard Depardieu

Mr Depardieu boards a plane. This one is about to take off when he realizes he really needs to pee.

The flight attendant tells him to wait till the flight has taken off and that the seat belt signs goes off.

Mr Depardieu cant not hold it any longer, so he decides to pee in the isle.

Idiot!

Tumblr

My blog friend Pia got a Tumblr.

She doesn't really know what it is and It got me curious.
I went on the website Tumblr.com and I am still not quite sure what it is. It looks a lot like a blog and Facebook combined.

You guys know this Tumblr thing?

Home insurance

When I listen to the news and that sadly they tell us how a building burnt down and that all tenants are now homeless, it makes me sad.

Up to the point where they interview these people and that these one say they lost everything and that they did not have home insurance. I'm sorry but I have a problem with this.

For about 10-15$ a month, you can get insurances that will allow you to start your life over. 10-15$ a month is the price of a damn pack of cigarettes our days. The same pack that will probably the cause of the fire.

I understand completely that some people don't have a lot of money. But I sincerely believe that the 10-15$ is all worth it. We are not talking about 100$ a month here, simply 10-15$.

I know I may sound harsh, but imagine the smoke detector beeping, you on the side of the street looking at all you ever owned just going up in smoke, is it worth it?

So do you have home insurance?

A cat in my engine

For the past few days I've been hearing a baby cat cry outside (and not my cat)
Last night I went out to see if I could find him and he was in the bushes.
I scared him so he went to hide running.

Tonight when I finished work at 6, I got in my car with a friend and headed home. All of a sudden we hear meow, meow. So we stop the car and look under it and nothing.

I keep on driving and meow, meow. The cat in in my engine! So we head out a friends garage, who gets my car up on the lift and starts his search and rescue mission.



Do you see him? The little beige thing there in my engine?
So my mechanic friend took my car apart to get to the kitten.



Here is my friend Gen re-hydrating the kitten, he spent the while day un the sun and heat stuck in my engine. Poor thing. The good news, my mechanic friend adopted him!

A hug

Tonight I went out for dinner with my ex.
My ex that has now turned into my best friend.
My ex that stopped being my lover, because there wasn't any love, our destiny was to have an extraordinary friendship.

But tonight while talking with him, a cheesy song played on the radio and suddenly I felt the need to have someone in my life again.
I needed a hug, but not a hug from a friend, but a pair of arms around me from a man who loves me.
No, I am not still in love with my ex and I probably never will be again, I am convinced. But at that precise instant I was wishing he was another man.
I was wishing I had a man to call and that he would come to rescue me and offer me that hug I needed so deeply.

Being single over the years can be great, but it will never replace the contact of a man in love.

Lunch

Today at lunch I went home to eat.
It's the first time I ever done this and I loved it.
Either I lived to far or didnt have enough time.
Now I live 5 minutes away and have an hour to eat.
It really allowed me to relax and split my day in half.
And you do you go home for lunch?
If you had the chance, would you?

Bilingual inspiration

When I started going downhill last year around this time, I started another blog in French, as I thought I was losing touch with my first language.

I also found out with time that it is hard to keep two blog going with different types of posts as I felt I was repeating myself. But I also just realized that I don't have the same audience.

I have come to the decision that every time I get inspired to write a post I will write in on both blogs. For those of you who follow both it will be a repetition, but I want to share with all my blogger friends English or French.

:)

Oscar

I forgot to tell you I went to get my roommate this week.


His name is Oscar, he is so happy to be free and no longer stuck in a cage at the animal shelter. So happy he barely lets me sleep LOL

Cures

On Friday my sister slept over at my place (YAY).
We had a conversation that I think about every once in a while.

I beleive that we have found the cures for cancer and AIDS, but that the pharmaceutical company's a forbidden to release them.

Imagine the world just one moment without cancer. I believe that our days every one out of two person dies from a type of cancer. If we had a cure the world would all of a sudden be over crowded, no? Yes we would be happy that our loved ones would still be alive, but the world would maybe be a little chaotic. And of course all those pharmaceutical company they make so much money with chemotherapy and radiotherapy and all, they would loose way too much money if they just sold the cure.

And the the cure for AIDS. Lets just take Africa, a continent where most kids are born with the disease and die of it. Lets says the cure was releases. Yeah it is a poor continent, but they never get the chance to live past their 20's. How do you want theses countries to get education and make the economy move. I beleive this cure would save live, without bringing so much chaos.

Yes in both situation at the beginning it would be hard, but I see past all of that.
I see a world with less misery and so much happiness.

Saying it

Did you say it?
I love you.
I don't ever want to live without you.
You changed my life.
Did you say it?
Make a plan.
Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around.
Drink it in 'cause this is it.
It might all be gone tomorrow.

I won

A few weeks ago I won Venassa 's giveaway. It was my first time winning a give away and I was so excited. I actually got to choose what I would get. And I chose sweets :)


I love everything I got, but especially the sign she added to the package. As I am a chocoholic it just made me smile so much. It says: Nine out of ten people like chocolate the tenth person always lies.

Thanks again Venassa!

Roommate

I've been thinking of getting a four legged furry roommate for a little while now.
So tonight I went to the SPCA to go see if I would fall in love with one.
And I did, with more than one; they are all just so cute when they are babies.


But they charge 175$ for a kitten. This amount includes the kitten, the sterilization, health care if needed for a month, the first vaccine and a bag of food.

I dont know if I ready to pay that amount to rescue an animal. Am I selfish? I dont think so, but it got me thinking. So I left without a roommate (anyway the place was closing) and now I have to make a decision.

I know there's always going to be some roommates-to-be over there so I can take my time to make up my mind, but I am feeling kind of lonely and I am not ready to let a man in my life.

Decompress

I need to find a way to unwind, decompress.


When you guys get home from work what do you do?
Hot shower? Glass of Wine? Video games? Go for a run?

I'm clueless on what to try as what I have tried so far doesn't seem to calm my brain down at all.

Plant hanger

I have been looking everywhere for one of these and can find any.



You guys have any idea where I could find one or should I start googling on how to make one?

15 years later

Last night was my high school reunion. We had one for 5 years, 10years and now 15 years.
I wont tell you all about the evening but I will tell you one thing (Kristen I was thinking about you the entire time).

A guy that was there, I remembered him, but never saw him like I did last night.
He gave me the Edward from Twilight feeling. Goose bumps all around. He had pale skin and barely interacted with others, but he was so hot.

I don't know why I hadn't noticed him all these years before, but wow I cant stop thinking about him. We spoke for a while, but he has a girlfriend and a kid and he is such a romantic and in love man. Lucky girl!

Maybe for the 20 years we'll both be single lol

Life is sweet

You know life is sweet when your ice cream cone...



...smiles back at you :)

Bad karma

Is it just me that has a bad karma when I move into a new place?

Last year when I moved, they started road work 2 weeks after I was in.

This year, I got the surprise coming home last night. All the little orange signs saying I cant f***g park till the end of August.(BTW I just paid a parking permit to be able to park) But wait that's not all, this morning at 6:20 they actually started to break down the concrete underneath my bedroom window.

Man I love the city, but I sure wish I was in the country this morning waking up to the sounds of birds.

Big day

Today was a big day for me.

My sister left for New-Brunswick with all her life packed in a U-haul. 10 hours later she was calling me to tell me she had arrived to her new home.

I cried all day. I miss her already so much. I know that the emotions will calm down and that soon I will get use to her being so far away, but I hate the 'getting use to it' part.

I'm still crying as I am writing this post, but I tonight I will rest without worries as I know my super blog-friend Melissa went to check on her and told me she was ok. Thank you again my friend.

This was to me a good reminder to cherish every moment in life.

Creeped out

Have you ever been creeped out by someone?

You know when that person gives you the chills and makes the hair in the back of your neck raise. That you swore you saw then in a psychopath horror movie.

Well I have a person that makes me feel like this in my life at the moment.
He doesn't know where I live, but I am scared he might find out.

What or how do you tell that person you are so uncomfortable?
How do you ask politely that person to stop contacting you, without dreaming that he is going to come cut you up in little pieces while you sleep?

Moving

I am moving tomorrow morning!
I cant wait to finally end this nightmare!
I'll talk to all of you very soon from a happy place :D

Once upon a time

I just saw the previews of this new series for this fall and I am excited.
It's different from all those cop, singing, dancing and hospital shows.

Transfer

If you could get a transfer from work anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Here are the choices I have:



I would love to go to Australia, Spain or Thailand.

Trust

How much do you trust your blogger friends?

I know I have met some of you, others I have been in contact through mail and other with whom I exchange on blogger regularly. I don't know why as of lately I have been in a fearfulness when it comes to virtual friendships.

I did drive a blog friend to the hospital this week without ever seeing him before, and once I got to his place I told myself I was stupid for going to a strangers house. I did, chickenly of me, have a knife in my purse, but God knows I would never be able to hurt anyone. I guess I beleive that people all have some good within them.

I have had no bad experiences with meeting blog people and haven't heard any horror stories aside from movies.

I've had a blogger friend from the US come over for a few days.
I've sent my sister to meet another blogger friend of mine in another province.
I exchange about twice a year parcels with another friend.
And I do write with some of you across the world.

So why this fear all of a sudden?

Target

After being jealous for years of you guys (in the U.S.), shopping online even if I could not order, I finally learned fabulous news today.

We will be getting TARGET stores in Quebec!!!


I can wait to share this shopping experience with you guys, because I was about to cross the boarders just to go shopping. I will have to wait as the project is only for the beginning of 2013, but still I can not wait.

American Idol

Scotty won!!!

I am so happy!!!

I love country music!!!

Last show

Today is Oprah's last show.

I usually am not home when it is broadcast, but whenever I had the chance to watch the show I was always amazed by the woman that she is.


She has an inner glow, power and she has the ability to share it with others.
It is sad for us viewers, but I am sure that it is not the last that we will hear from her. She is not ending her career, only a show and who knows what she will start on her OWN network.

Thank you Oprah for all those moments.

The day after tomorrow

Well today is the after tomorrow of this past Saturday.

Saturday afternoon I went shopping (again) with friends downtown and I got this really bad sunburn for free. It didn't look that bad outside and then at night I saw the pretty red color it had, but no pain. I still applied aloe gel on it just to be safe and did the same thing yesterday.

This morning, I am in pain. It burns and itches. I cant even put a shirt on.
Why 2 days later? I honestly thought it would have turned into a tan by now.

TV world

In the past months I watched so much TV, I wonder why my eyes haven't popped out.

I was addicted to so many shows (Days of our lives, Dr.Phil, Amazing race, The listener, American Idol, House, Big Bang Theory, Say yes to the dress, Oprah, Grey's Anatomy, The voice, ect...)

Most of these shows are coming to an end or have ended in the past few days. I am trying (against my will) not start a new set of shows. Imagine if I had cable, I wouldn't be able to pull myself into bed (unless I brought the tv with me)

I love love love Scotty from American Idol, he made me fall in love with country music all over again. I hope he wins next week.

And the finale from Grey's anatomy last night, WOW!

Penny in bed with Rajesh???

Next week is Oprah's last show, makes me sad a little bit, she is amazing.

Am I the only one that watches that much TV?

Sister

Today is my sister's birthday, she turned 35.
We went out our little family for dinner.

It's funny because I felt it was going to be the last family dinner we were going to have in a long time. Especially now that she is moving to New-Brunswick (8-9 hours away).

I feel like we are taking in all the minutes we can have with her.
I know I am finding all kind of excuses to see her.

I lost her to a guy for 7 years, she been back in my life for 2 years and she is going away. I know we'll still, talk, skype, text and msn, but I'll miss her like crazy.

Happy birthday sis!

Pink World

Tonight I was driving home on the highway and I saw the sky in 7 different tones of pink. It was beautiful.

But then the trees around the road cleared up and the whole world was just embarrassing the color pink. The air, the houses, the road, everything was pink.

It was surreal. You know when they say put on you pink glasses...well I didn't need any.
It was all out there, as if heaven opened up it's doors for me.

Back at work

I did it!

Today was my first half day back at work.

Yesterday I felt like hell because of the stress and anticipation, but I will be ok for next week.

So far so good, lets just hope it will continue :)

Love train

I just stumbled upon this video on a fellow blogger's blog and I absolutely adore it. I had no choice, but to share it with you.

2 other months

Hey guys!

I'm still alive and doing much much better.
I should be back to work in 2 weeks (yay!)
I am going completely nuts over shoes.
Counting the days before I move into my new place.
I'm still going to the gym.
I reunited with an old friend from high school and had a blast (will do again).
And I got in touch with my friend from this post
My godson gave us a scare when he had a allergic reaction to peanuts and had to be driven to the hospital by ambulance (Thank God he is fine)
Summer is finally starting to show signs that it is on it's way, I read a book sitting outside for the first time today since last summer.
After all these dark months, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
For the first time ever I am an absolute fan of American Idol (I'm rooting for Scotty) and the Amazing race (I'm rooting for Mallory and her dad).

Have a great week my friends!

PS: If you have a few minutes stop by my blog friend Chana's. She is going through a hard time and she needs all the prayers and positive energies she can get.

3 months later

Hi everyone!

Yes, I am still alive :)

Here's a little bit of what has been going on in these past months.

I still am in therapy, it is a very long process, but I do see a little improvement.
I have not returned to work yet and I sure miss it.
I bought a new car and almost ended up dating the sales guy.
My godson turned one a few days ago.
Doctors orders, I now go to the gym with a trainer 3 times a week.
I have started apartment hunting as I decided to move for July first.

That's about it, nothing big. I keep on reading your blogs, I know I don't comment much, but I am here. I just don't feel the urge to write in English at the moment, but I felt like I owed you guys a little update.

Thanks to all of you that have written to me in the mail or by email, it means the world to me to know that you are there.

I love ya all! (mouah)